Introduction: Questions That Come Before Everything Ends

There was a time when I bet everything on a single goal. I ran forward looking only ahead, believing that something would be waiting when I reached the end. But sometimes, even before reaching that end, a moment arrives in the middle of the tunnel where everything suddenly stops. It's the time of reality awareness, commonly called a 'reality check.'

Despite running fiercely, it's a strange sensation as if the soul steps out first and asks, "What's the point of all this?" This goes beyond simple emptiness, approaching as a deep sense of loss that "life has lost its meaning."

This piece is a record of contemplation for all those who suddenly lost their way while running toward their goals.

1. The Tunnel: Where Goals Replace Meaning

Why did we enter the tunnel so fiercely? Because there was a clear 'goal' that allowed us to temporarily forget the heavy question of 'what should I live for?'

Passing exams, project success, victory in competition. In 'finite games' with clear rules and certain rewards, we identify these goals with the meaning of life itself. In a complex and uncertain world, this clarity feels incomparably safe. Without needing to worry, we just had to sprint along the predetermined path. Thus, instead of finding answers about life's meaning, we suppressed our anxiety by solving immediate goals before us.

2. Reality Check: The Inner Voice Questioning Life's Meaning

A 'reality check' doesn't only come at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes we hear this voice only after reaching the tunnel's end, but on some days it comes as a sensation of the soul stepping out while running through the middle of the tunnel.

The moment when the goal is still ahead, the body is still moving, but the heart lets go of everything first.

This is when the voice of the 'real me' that I tried to ignore in the tunnel can no longer hold back and starts speaking.

'When do I feel alive?', 'What kind of person do I want to live as?'

Before these questions, we feel as lost as if standing alone in a vast ocean. We lose our way between the unfinished race and the existential questions before us.

Unable to bear this fear, we often choose to blindly ignore the questions and return to mindless running, or give up everything and sit down.

3. The Bewilderment of Lost Direction: Its Name is Freedom

The true name of the fear we feel is 'freedom.' The complete freedom to take responsibility for one's own life when we realize that externally given goals and meanings cannot fully explain our lives.

But when we're not ready to handle that freedom, freedom becomes fear.

The feeling of having lost life's meaning is actually like confessing that I have no 'life standards.'

The time when finite game rules substituted for my life standards has ended. Now, to navigate the vast ocean of life, I need a compass. I must follow the stars shining within me, not goals set by others.

• What makes my life meaningful?
• What values do I want to live by?
• What kind of mark do I want to leave on the world?

When such 'personal standards' are absent, we drift. The reason we lose our way in the tunnel is ultimately because we don't have our own map.

Conclusion: Beginning the Journey to Find Meaning

A reality check is not an end but a signal announcing a new beginning. The very moment when doubts about goals arise is an inner calling that it's time to depart in search of our own meaning, not borrowed meaning.

Of course, the process isn't easy. Sometimes we might face even deeper emptiness. But what's important is not rushing to find answers. Not trying to fill the void with hasty other goals. We need time to simply stay in the bewilderment and quietly listen to our inner voice.

The very place where you feel you've lost life's meaning is the only starting point where you can 'create' the real meaning of your life. Because it's empty, it can finally be filled with anything. Now, it's time to pause for a moment and write your own story.

---

Appendix: My Life Standards

I have several keywords I like. Things like happiness, gentleman, embrace, solidity, flowers that bloom while swaying, fragrant person.

Each word doesn't have a specific definition, but rather certain feelings, emotions, or directions that tend to guide my life.

I also have powerful motivations for self-growth:

1. I want to live passionately with immersion
2. I want to be a productive person
3. I want to work for a lifetime
4. I want to work with people like me